Friday, May 29, 2009

An Embarrassing Picture and Other Goodies for Your Friday

All world famous essays and speeches begin with a dictionary definition of the topic at hand. I assume a blog post is the same, and this one's bound to be famous. So here goes.... defines karma as: action, seen as bringing upon oneself inevitable results, good or bad.

I want to talk about two such actions that have brought upon myself inevitable results, not so good...mostly bad.

Travel back in time with me to the year 1991. I was a very awkward preteen: big hair, big teeth, and an even bigger eyebrow (yes, one), not to mention being freakishly tall (it looks like I'm kneeling and still almost covering poor Abish's face...the big hair and stylish bow aren't really helping matters either).
(thank you Kristina for this lovely picture)

1991 was also the year of the all important rite of passage: babysitting. But unfortunately me and the babysitting thing weren't the best of friends. I hated it, actually. I was too nice to say no in the beginning. Then I learned to dodge the bullet by saying I was busy. Pretty soon, people got the hint and stopped calling me.

Enter present day bad karma...trying to find a babysitter for my brood. I hate asking anyone in the first place because I assume she feels like I did (hopefully she's got a little more style sense, though). Plus, I'm not delusional-- I get it that three little boys is no cake job.

Needless to say, the Mr. and I don't get out much. But when necessity calls, as is the case this weekend, my action of anti-babysitting has brought upon myself the inevitable bad result of unsupervised children.

Want to join my pity party? You might want to think twice before accepting my seemingly innocent invitation when you remember I mentioned two actions oh so long ago.

Yes, now on to my second bad karma incident. This one is a little more recent. Like yesterday, for instance.

To make an otherwise unbearable summer a little more bearable, my kids and I have been frequenting the local junior high swimming pool. As we soak our weary bodies in the the swarms of cryptosporidium, I've witnessed a very annoying phenomenon-- little girls and itsy bitsy bikinis.

Seriously, like 9 out of 10 girls between the ages of 1 and 5 (these are very scientific figures here) had on a two piece. The statistics go up to 9.5 out of 10 for girls older than 5 and even higher still for overweight women. But my beef (today) is with the little ones parading around in basically nothing.

I guess my beef really is with their mothers because we all realize that a) those little girls aren't doing the shopping and b) most of them are still not dressing themselves. I'm sorry, but a bikini on a baby is just not cute to me. It's just disturbing, really.

So I figure my action of offending any of my faithful readers who don a bikini on their baby is going to bring upon me the inevitable bad result of no little Fish girls for me to dress in a darling one piece bathing suit one day.

Very bad karma, indeed. Because I'm sure if I could only add a little estrogen to our mix, babysitters would be lining up for a chance to tend my children.

In conclusion, I'd like to end with's definition of a conclusion: the end.

P.S. Anyone want to babysit these adorable children? I promise that 3 out of 3 will be dressed very modestly. And I also promise that your action of babysitting will bring upon yourself many inevitable good results.

Post Edit: Just to put your minds at ease, a poor unfortunate soul (a little early 90's Disney shout out from those fashionista days o' mine) has been located and has agreed to watch three little boys, even without the estrogen factor. A serious saint.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Weathering the Storm

We were just under triple digits here yesterday, so of course we broke out the winter clothes. And by we, I mean Ian.

I guess I can thank Aunt Heather for our latest power struggle. I mean, how can you say no to that face? Sure, wear your long sleeve/long pant Batman pajamas...all almost 100 degree weather.

Thanks a lot, Heather. But seriously, the boys love their new-to-me wardrobe. It pays to be one size smaller than your well dressed cousin, I guess.

P.S. I feel very strongly about teaching children important life lessons at a young age. Like the one that goes a little something like: pain is a small price to pay for fashion. Lesson learned.

Monday, May 25, 2009

How-To Monday: Relaxation

This week's how-to is very simple. So simple, in fact, that it requires only one step to complete.

How to Unwind After a Rough Day on the Home Front
  1. Take a nice relaxing bubble bath.

The End.

P.S. Merry Memorial Day!

Thursday, May 21, 2009

List Love

A few things I was reminded of this past week...
{between diaper changes, multiple baths,
temperature readings, and medicine administrations}

1. Never go on a trip until you are 100% sure your baby's stomach flu is 100% gone.

2. If you ignore #1, at least don't take your sick baby on a trip in your parents' car.

3. If you don't listen to either of the previous two, at least bring a change of clothes for said baby on said trip. Towels, ear plugs (for those poor, unfortunate parents of yours) lots of wipes, and an air freshener wouldn't be shabby either.

4. Just when you think you are out of the woods, another body temperature reaches triple digits.

5. A nose can be wiped a thousand times a day.

6. Despite popular belief, bodily fluids really are disgusting.
(I'll spare you a picture. Oh, you better believe I have one. My husband's a nurse, okay?)

7. Five people napping at 2:00 in the afternoon is not impossible (2 out of the 5 must be under the weather, however...and the other 3 must be a baby and his two exhausted parents).

8. And most importantly, even in stressful, unlikely situations, faith can increase and miracles (even little ones) can be witnessed.

(Knock on wood)
I think we are officially bug free at the Fish house!
We're celebrating by buying surgical masks in large quantities.

P.S. It's nice to see this one smiling again. Wouldn't you agree? And wouldn't you agree that he's just about the cutest thing ever? Alright, maybe I'm a little biased. But it's true-- he really is cute. I should know, I birthed him.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Pirates of My Caribbean

If you were a fly on my wall, you'd hear these words come out of my mouth at least once a day: "Go play outside!" You'd also hear "No" a few times. And, my favorite: "Go ask Dad."

Also, if you were a fly on my wall, you wouldn't last very long because I am a self-professed expert fly swatter (if you'll remember, we use a bug-er for that).

But if I was feeling really nice, I'd try to shoo (don't bother me) you outside, where hopefully the boys are playing...I asked them ever so nicely, remember? Now, Little Fly, please don't be alarmed when you come across this backyard scene...

No, your eyes aren't playing tricks on you. Those really are mean looking pirates taking over my backyard. And yes, those really are pajama bottoms on their heads.

But, please don't blame me when you hear these words coming out of my pirates' mouths, "We drink alcohol!!!"

Seriously, those were their words. I'm not sure where they got this because I definitely do not condone drinking, no matter what you call it: beer, ale, rum (cue pirate song), liquor, brewskis, hops, or if you'd like to get technical and use the proper name like my little pirates-- alcohol.

But like I always say, if you're going to have pirates invade your backyard, they should at least be proper pirates.

P.S. And, just to prove that not all pirates are bad, I have a little joke for you. Why don't pirates go to the movies? 'Cause they're rated "Rrrr."

You're welcome.

Friday, May 15, 2009

News Flash

It's no fun taking care of sick kids.

That's all. Now you can get on with the rest of your day.

I mean, if you can in all good conscience...
now that you know we're suffering over here.

But, whatever. That's cool.

P.S. I won't post a picture of myself (you're welcome). But if you're curious, Carter and I have similar looks these days.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

I am 99% Sure This is 100% True

My typical agenda as a professional mother includes such items as:
  • important lunch meetings with clients (pb&j with my boys)
  • conference calls from exotic locations (finding a quiet place to have any conversation)
  • unattainable deadlines (getting the kids to bed on time)
  • showcasing presentations to the board of directors (uh...blogging?)
Well, I've checked all the items off my list, except the last. Now you know why I've gathered you all here today.

So sit back and relax while I present a present in the form of a presentation at present:

Regular haircuts for three little boys can be a bit pricey, especially in these economic times (I just wanted to be like everyone else and use that phrase). So anyway, my man is the man and played the role of barber for our hairy crew.

Here was the end result of his labors.

And as I always say, no presentation is complete without a pie chart.

P.S. Those results were shocking, I know.

Monday, May 11, 2009

How-To Monday: Mother's Day

No sleeping in. No breakfast in bed. No day at the spa.

That was my Mother's Day in a nutshell. Jonathan had to work all weekend, and of course that included my one day of the year (don't give me the "everyday is Mom's Day"...what happened to everyday being Kid's Day-- you can't have both, people!!!).

I found out his work schedule a few weeks back, and I was a little bitter. Okay, I was a lot bitter. Well actually, I was totally and completely T.O.ed (in your best Kip voice, if you please).

Of course I realize things could always be worse. For instance, I could have fallen from the tree outside my bedroom window while trying to get my doll I got at the bazaar I wasn't supposed to be at with Jimmy Bean because I had to lead "America, the Beautiful" and thus paralyze my legs.

And since I've been wallowing in self-pity all weekend, I'd like to play my own version of the Glad Game in the form of a How-To, if you don't mind (and if you do, well...).

How To Have a Good Mother's Day
{despite the fact that your husband worked all weekend}

1. Remind yourself that at least the Mr. has a job.

2. Eat up the full control of your remote with the Mr. away.

3. Take some pictures (with your new camera) of the kids sleeping to remind yourself why you love being a Mom (sorry to disappoint, but no photog blog coming up...although Fairly Fishy Fotography does have a nice ring to it...and yes, the little one's in a pack 'n' play-- don't judge).

4. Delight in the spontaneous wishes of Happy Mother's Day all day from your sweet boys.

5. Enjoy the new scenery and comfy chairs of the foyer with the crying baby at church.

6. Be glad you didn't have to sub in primary for once.

7. Make yourself some chocolate chip cookies, it is Sunday after all.

8. Sleep deeply and soundly at night without that nasty nap to get in the way.

9. Appreciate your husband for being so considerate and doing all he could to make you feel special in spite of his unfortunate work schedule.

10. Remember your own mom, 'cause ain't it really about her?

Alright, alright. I'll admit it. I followed the steps above exactly as outlined and it worked! I guess I did have a pretty good Mother's Day after all. How 'bout you?

P.S. In case you were wondering,
this mom is da bomb.
And is that baby.
No more rhyming, I mean it.
Anybody want a peanut?
Seriously I'm done, it's time for some....

Friday, May 8, 2009

My Early Mother's Day Present

Any guesses?

P.S. No, it's not a cute 5-year-old...nor his identical twin.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

The Miracle Worker

Who needs Anne Sullivan when you've got a smiley face chart?

I did a similar chart last August when Ashton started Pre-K. He was having a little separation anxiety and got a smiley face each time we were fit-free at school.

Almost a year later, we've introduced the chart again. My kids have been begging me to make one for a while and I finally gave in.

Yesterday they got their 7th smile, and so we made the much anticipated trip to the dollar store. The dollar store = toy heaven for my boys.

Now I just gotta figure out what I want to get them to do this week. Ooohh...I feel so powerful.

P.S. I wish I wanted a smiley face that badly. Then maybe I'd be a few pounds lighter or something.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Hot Topics

Just a little sampling of some serious conversations we've been having at our house lately.

"High School Musical is the best movie in the world."
(He's never actually seen it, but whatever.)

"Mom, you're not awesome. Only superheroes are awesome."
(He's got a point.)

"Nah nah nah!"
(Don't worry-- that drill is not really aimed at his head.)

There. Now you know why I'm so well informed on a variety of subjects. And if I don't know something, it's only because my kids haven't told me yet.

P.S. Feliz Cinco de Mayo! We are celebrating by washing our hands several times today. How 'bout you?

Monday, May 4, 2009

A How-To on How-To's

I was reading some blog-help websites the other day and one of the things they recommend is to create a niche and then do some how-to posts accordingly. Well, since I am a professional mother and wife by trade, I will thus proceed to give some advice from one of my many areas of expertise.

Now, I'm not just a book smart kinda expert. These are practices I've come to incorporate daily in my line of work.

So without further ado, here is my first how-to:

How To Keep on Top of the Laundry

1. Let the 4-year-old pick his outfit out in the morning and then change his mind several times a day.

2. Bring all the sand home from the park in the kids' socks.

3. Serve spaghetti for dinner, or anything with red sauce.

4. Give the 1-year-old his own spoon to feed himself.

5. Have a blow-out diaper at least once a day.

6. Allow the children to use your shirt to wipe their noses.

7. Birth 3 boys.

If you follow the steps above, your washing machine will run constantly so you will always have a plethora of clean clothes. Hope this helps.

Until the next how-to, when we'll discuss more topics from my professional portfolio. In the meantime, feel free to leave a comment with any questions or concerns you may have and a professional stay-at-home mom, like myself, will be happy to help.

P.S. Sorry. I've got nothin' when it comes to the folding/putting away of the laundry. I'm still taking the training courses on that one.

Friday, May 1, 2009

El Dia

To most of you out there, I'm sure May 1st is a day like any other day. That is, unless you are an SRP time-of-use-r, like me.

Yes, today marks the beginning of those beastly summer peak hours.

So if you stop by my house between the hours of 1pm and 8pm from now until November 1st, don't assume I'm away from home.

Just because all the curtains and blinds are closed tightly and all the lights are turned off, I'm probably home-- conserving energy. Only, I'm wearing dirty clothes (can't run any appliances) and laying on the couch (conserving energy, remember?) in front of a fan.

I need to find my happy place. Maybe a good laugh. Got any jokes?

How 'bout one of my favorite commercials these days...

To you fellow TOU-ers out there: I hope that helped. To the rest of you: you're welcome too.

P.S. Sorry. It's too hot to come up with a P.S.