Friday, June 26, 2009

Not a Post About Michael Jackson

{or Farrah Fawcett or Jon and Kate Plus 8}

But never fear, it will be about my little family. Yay! And aren't we more interesting than some pop culture anyway? Alright, maybe not.

But just look at this kid.

He's pretty cute, right? And when have thunder thighs and a double chin ever been so flattering? We'll show you, Hollywood Anorexia!

And who needs reality TV when you've got a brother for entertainment?
See what fun we have without the telly?
I think they were playing Backyardigans. Does that count?

Carter gave us a scare the other day, though.
He started breaking out with some wicked hot rhymes. But we had a heart-to-heart about the pitfalls of fame, fortune, and the music industry and he saw the error of his ways.

Well, I hope you've enjoyed this show biz-free post and my E True Hollywood Story all at the same time. I think I'm finished now, so you can go check out TMZ to get your fix.

P.S. Lest you think I'm heartless-- it is very sad about MJ, Farrah, and the breakdown of a marriage/family. I'm just on entertainment news overload. Sorry.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009


I've sat down to blog a couple times now and the computer screen and I just end up having a staring contest. And of course it wins every time (I wear contacts...give me a break, okay?). I've been told I'm a little competitive (alright, maybe a lot), so I've decided to give it one more go.

I don't really have much to report, but here's a little sampling of what we've been up to lately:

-- I'm proud to say that I threw one awesome Father's Day celebration.

Yes, that is a picture of Jonathan making his own Father's Day meal. I guess I should have specified that I had an awesome Father's Day, and that my kids have an awesome father (the meal was pretty awesome too).

-- Carter's had this awesome look on his face most of the week.

Turns out, his extra crankiness and fever produced 3 new teeth, or was it the other way around?

-- My little sister came over, seeking some education from her awesome, wiser sister.

She ended up teaching me how to give a thumbs up with my toes (although this is a picture of her toes, not mine). Pretty awesome, right?

So that just about raps up the last few days in my world. It's been a great few days. I might even call them awesome...but probably not.

P.S. So there, computer screen! I'm just going to go flood my eyes with saline now.

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Who's Your Daddy?

With it being Father's Day today, I thought I'd start this post with the obvious topic-- Mother's Day. It's a day that's always been a bit of a drag for me because it brings up all kinds of issues: guilt issues, expectation issues, past shrink-type issues, just to name a few.

Don't get me wrong. I love my kids and am grateful to be a mother, but it's always somewhat of a relief when the middle of June rolls around and it's the Dads' turn to have their day.

And I've got a good one-- dad...that is.

So do my kids.
(the three days mr. fish became a daddy)

With my dad being gone this Father's Day, I am a little more nostalgic than usual. And as I've thought about him, I've realized that any dad who can forget his 9 year-old daughter at K-Mart, watch Star Trek the Next Generation and Suns games with that ever-forgiving girl, play hours of basketball when she hits junior high, plaster her room with loving sayings when she's dated someone behind his back (fyi, not jonathan) gets an A+ in my book.

I can't wait for the memories my kids will have of their dad. I wonder if they'll remember flying paper airplanes together, or playing Old Maid, or going on Daddy/Son dates. I hope so.

P.S. Happy Summer Solstice Day! We're celebrating by turning our thermostat down a degree...oh, and by giving Jonathan presents. I think I'm going to demand presents on Winter Solstice Day...that's only fair, right?

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Thicker Than Water

I know I can be a little melodramatic sometimes, and my last post is evidence of that. I really am okay, loyal readers. A little sad, but good.

In all my sadness, though, I forgot to mention a couple events that lead up to the that fateful goodbye.

We all gathered Sunday evening for one last hurrah. The only one missing was my sister Heather and her family. So I used the trusty photoshop and superimposed them into the picture. Can't even tell they weren't there. I love technology...but not as much as you, you see.

Jonathan and I felt like we needed to spend every possible moment we could with my parents before they left, and so I thought I noticed them running away from the car as I dropped them off at the airport early (4:30am) Monday morning. We were only thinking of them...we figured if they got so sick of us, parting would be a little sweeter for them.

One of those every possible moments we spent with them was last Monday night at our local McDonald's for a little soft serve. Nothing says "I love you" like a germ-infested McDonald's play area.

(I'm not quite sure what's going on in the last picture. I'm fairly certain my mom either poked her eye out or is in the middle of a professional McDonald's eye exam. My bet is the former-- Jennifer's looking quite suspicious. And come to think of it, she does have extra pokey fingers.)

To end with, I thought I'd post a picture of our family (courtesy of Ian) so my parents won't forget what we look like.

P.S. To clear up any confusion, we don't really live in a three-story, igloo-type house. And there really are 5 of us-- I think Ian conveniently forgot he had a baby brother or something. Oh, and our door really is tall enough for us to walk through.

Monday, June 15, 2009

A Moment of Silence, Please

took the parents to the airport.

cried a lot.

that's all.

p.s. no, really. that's all.

Friday, June 12, 2009

19 Years of Guppy

Just a little birthday shout out to my baby sister.

(I don't think her nephews like her at all, though.)

But that's okay, 'cause I like her a whole lot.

P.S. I love you, Jenn. Thanks for being one of my best friends and a lighter version of me.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Serious Conversations

I'm not quite sure what they're talking about, but it looks really important.

I've got a few ideas.

a) Maybe they're trying to decide who will sweep today.
Ashton: You know what Ian? You swept yesterday ('cause you know the floors get swept daily), so it's my turn.
Ian: No, no. Let me. But, you could mop when I finish. Mother would really appreciate our help today ( {brilliant child} What? Your children don't refer to you as Mother?).

b) We're well versed on world events over here. So they're probably discussing our current economic crisis or something.
Ashton: Man, the dollar just doesn't seem to be stretching as far these days.
Ian: I know what you mean. This candy baby bottle (why do kids love those things?) cost Mother so much, she can't pay our hairdresser anymore. We're starting to look a little mangy, don't you think?

c) Or perhaps they're studying Chinese Medicine and Ashton's practicing a tongue diagnosis.
Ashton: Hmm....your tongue's looking especially red. Have you felt unusually warm today? 'Cause you're Yin could be out of balance.
Ian: You know, I think you're right. I must have a Yin deficiency. Either that, or it's summer time in Arizona and I just ate a disgusting red baby bottle candy thing.

d) I've got it. They're trying to figure out the source of that suspicious looking foot near the table.
Ashton: Don't look now, but there's a tiny appendage in the room with us.
Ian: You mean the one by your awesomely fashionable Crocs? Well, whatever it is, don't tell Mother-- she'll want to know where the rest of the body is. Maybe if we start sweeping she'll never notice.

P.S. They're probably right.

Monday, June 8, 2009

How-To Monday: Beauty

I get this question asked of me all the time: How do you take care of three wonderfully well-behaved children all day and still have time for all your primping and beautifying?

Alright. That's a lie. No one's actually asked me that and no one would describe my children as wonderfully well-behaved. But I do think they are pretty wonderful and there really are three of them. That's the truth.

But nonetheless, I feel the need to spread my wealth of knowledge with you poor saps. So sit back, relax and enjoy your How-To Monday. Wait, what am I saying? Get out your pencil and paper and take detailed notes because there will be a quiz at the end.

Alright. That's a lie. But this next part isn't.

How To Beautify Oneself with Three Children Around

1. Taking an afternoon shower is nothing to be ashamed of. In fact, congratulate yourself for getting one at all.

2. Lock yourself in the bathroom when taking said afternoon shower. Pounding on the door, little fingers under the door, cries of "Mahhhhhmmmmm" are all better than a surprise visitor in the shower with you.

3. Invest in baby powder. It's great for oily hair on those days when the thought of cleaning up whatever mess ensues while you are showering prevents you from actually showering.

4. Take a guilt-free nap. It ain't called beauty rest for nothin'.

5. Tell yourself that "natural" is in.

6. Use "natural" for any number of situations: from applying makeup, to shaving, to tweezing. But please use "natural" sparingly in situations such as underarm or oral care.

7. Don't cry over any milk your children spill on your freshly mopped floor. Just pour some salt in it and you've got yourself a soothing foot soak.

8. No need for gaudy accessories. Just count the kids. They go with any outfit. If they aren't readily available, the snot on your sleeve or mac 'n' cheese on your collar should work fine.

I could go on and on, but just like the 80's taught us, 8 is enough. So, I will end this week's how-to without further ado. Oh man, I love to rhyme. It's so sublime.

P.S. It should be a crime. Do you have the time? Or a dime?

Thursday, June 4, 2009

My Jolly Roger

Not sure if I mentioned this before, but we're a little low on pink things at our house. We're all boy over here.

And something I've learned about little boys is that they like all things booty. Pirate booty, that is.

I've also learned that my femininity still has some influence on these scallywags. Because only a mother with me womanly charm could have pirates who proclaim, "Shimmery Timbers!" So pretty.

P.S. And only a mother with boundless confidence could post a picture of her unkempt child on the worldwide web for all to see. Could someone hand that kid a wipe already?

Monday, June 1, 2009


I think I am finally beginning to feel the gravity of my situation-- in 14 days (but who's counting?) I will officially be orphaned.

Yesterday my parents gave their farewell talks at church for their mission to South Africa and I'm starting to think they really are going to leave.

I seriously don't know what I'm going to do when they're gone. If you see me wearing a lot of black for the next 18 months or 78 weeks or 546 days (no, I am not still counting), please be sensitive as I will be in mourning.

We're all taking it kinda hard. It seems to be affecting Ashton the most.

I think he's having an allergic reaction to his grandparents leaving or something. It's the only logical explanation for his face turning red and his lips swelling (I'm sure it's nothing he ate).

Either that or he's actually adopted.

I wonder if Lisa Rinna's heard of Benadryl, 'cause it worked wonders for Ashton.

And don't you think I have the cutest Grandma ever?

Carter thinks so too.

After a fun family-filled day, the kids were tucked snuggly in bed (thank you, Benadryl), Jonathan was out bringin' home the bacon, and I had some time to reflect on my impending long term alone-ness.

I did some serious soul searching and came to one conclusion: me no likey.

P.S. Have you seen my scissors? I seem to have misplaced them and those darn apron strings.